How to Stop Hoarding

Our material possessions can have a strange hold over us. When you buy something, you do so for a purpose and typically put it to use. When it has fulfilled its purpose or broken down and can’t be repaired, that is when we discard it and move on to the next thing. We all do, of course, form attachments to items because of their sentimental or emotional value, and not because they have monetary value. Our attachments, however, can become a problem.

We can be tempted to hold onto something because we’re convinced that though it doesn’t have any conceivable use today, one day it just might. This desire to hold onto things because of a possible future use, or because of the sentimental value they hold is often harmless enough. However, holding onto things in this way can actually be a serious issue called hoarding disorder that can affect your health significantly.

Understanding Hoarding Disorder

Hoarding disorder names a situation where a person struggles to discard things that they own. This results in an excessive accumulation of things, which leads to one’s living space becoming cramped, unhealthy, and possibly even dangerous. In some cases, when hoarding becomes extreme, one’s home can become so cluttered that it’s difficult to move about freely and remain safe in case of an emergency.

A person with a hoarding disorder has a dysfunctional attachment to items that they own. Even the thought of parting with their possessions is emotionally distressing, as there are deeply held feelings and beliefs attached to those items, even though they appear to have no real value. The thought of getting rid of those items can lead to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and even guilt.

Hoarding disorder is a mental health condition in which a person has a compulsive need to acquire and keep things, even things that are useless. It can range from mild to severe, and any item can be hoarded, from clothing, magazines, receipts, newspapers, or food items. One can even hoard animals by accumulating pets when there isn’t room or resources enough to care for the animals safely. 

If you find yourself tripping or falling over the things in your house, or if the accumulation poses a health or fire risk, you may have a hoarding problem. Likewise, if you find yourself feeling anxious about throwing things away because you might lose the memory or the experience attached to that object, you should make an appointment to see a health professional.

Taking Steps to Bring Hoarding under Control

For the person with a hoarding disorder, getting rid of the items they own can be quite distressing. Swooping in to clear the space for them and putting everything that’s unnecessary into the trash might not be the best way to care for them. The most helpful move is for the person with the hoarding disorder to see a mental health professional, such as a counselor or therapist who is trained to address this concern.

A counselor will use therapeutic techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Whether in one-on-one sessions or as part of group therapy, CBT will help them develop deeper insight into why they engage in hoarding. CBT can also help improve planning and organizational skills, decision making, and problem-solving skills.

A person with a hoarding disorder can take steps such as setting small goals for themselves. That goal could be setting aside time regularly to tidy an area in the home. It may be taking steps to begin organizing the home by making a list of things to discard, starting with what’s easiest and working up to the things that are hardest to get rid of.

Aside from planning to clear out any surplus items in the home, other steps one can take include cancelling things like magazine and newspaper subscriptions so that you do not keep accumulating things that way. Additionally, by identifying what triggers the desire to acquire more, one can begin to address the root of the problem by finding healthier ways to deal with stress. Exploring new activities that don’t involve buying or preserving things can help, too.

If you have a loved one who struggles with hoarding, it can be difficult to know how to even begin addressing the issue, particularly if they are convinced that everything is okay. One key thing is to resist the urge to help them by attempting to clear and clean everything for them. Not only will that be distressing for them, but it doesn’t address the root problem of why they hoard items in the first place.

Ways to Help

Some ways that you can helpfully come alongside a loved one include the following:

• Approach them with gentleness. While it’s tempting to want to change someone, that’s something that doesn’t happen by force. Instead of trying to get them to change through argument or by tricking them into cleaning, be a gentle presence in their life. Approaching them with gentleness also means avoiding making threats, as that can further isolate your loved one.Being gentle with your loved one also includes using respectful language to refer to their home and the things they have accumulated. Calling their possessions “junk” or “trash” might only serve to highlight the distance between you and your loved one. They may feel minimized and that you don’t understand the emotional connection they have with those items.
• Help them to stay safe.  You might want to clear everything out, but perhaps it may be helpful to focus your attention on areas such as fire safety, emergency access, and maintaining sanitary living conditions. Doing this has the effect of at least making their home a safer environment in spite of the hoarding.
  As such, don’t focus on a total clean-up, but instead focus on how best to reduce harm. Help your loved one to clear away the things that pose a clear danger to their health and wellbeing. Keep your focus there as you lay the foundations for deeper and lasting change.
• Be attentive to them and their needs.  It can be tempting to simply override your loved one and what they want in pursuit of what you think is best for them. Instead, take the time to listen to what they want, asking them what they think is helpful in reducing harm or making it easier to move about their home, for instance.Part of being attentive to their needs may include not pressuring them to let you into their home. While you might want to come in, they might feel a mix of anything from anxious, to embarrassed, to ashamed to have other people in their space. If you want to check in on them, respect their privacy and make plans to meet elsewhere if they’d rather not have you in their home.
• Be judicious in your gift-giving. As you think about how to celebrate your loved one on important occasions, take time to think carefully about gifts you make out to them. Giving them new items that may wind up becoming part of the problem is a potentially unhelpful way to go. Instead, consider giving them something like an experience – going for a spa day, or having a meal at a good restaurant. Another facet of gift giving is to also be empathetic and understanding if your loved one gets rid of something that you’ve given them. It likely hurts them more than it hurts you for them to give that thing up, but even if that’s not true, consider the fact that your loved one giving something up is part of their growth, and embrace it as a positive step.
• Walk alongside them to seek treatment and support. It’s important to let your loved one know you are there for them. Letting your loved one know that you care about them matters. Make yourself available to them and let them know that you can help them with the process of finding support when they’re ready. You can walk alongside them to talk to a doctor or to speak with a counselor.

Here to Help

If you believe you or your loved one is ready for the help of a counselor, reach out to our offices today. We have many therapists in our offices that are eager to meet with you and walk the journey of hoarding disorder with you.